LIFE:
Life is not the same as it was a month ago. Life is completely different. This is my life now.
**We moved to Sioux Falls on April 27th. On April 25th I had my last day of employment at the first job that I fully enjoyed the entire time I was employed. It was the first job that I was sad I had to quit. It was the first time I had been replaced before I even left. On April 26th my very wonderful parents, a couple of my good friends, Matthew, and I, packed up a U-Haul and 3 vehicles with all of our belongings. We spent our last night in Aberdeen sleeping on the floor. We were able to give some goodbye hugs Saturday night, and when we got up Sunday morning we sad our final goodbyes to the apartment I spent nearly 4 years in, and to the town I spent over 6 years in. It was bittersweet.
The drive to Sioux Falls was horrendous, to say the least. The weather was as crappy as it was on the day I moved to Aberdeen. Instead of snow and wind, we had rain and wind. We had car troubles, we had to take a different route to avoid the interstate due to the high winds, we had multiple pit stops. We finally made it and had some rock stars help us unpack our U Haul and vehicles.
**I came into this move without a job. I had been looking for two months and had a couple of interviews but no luck. I knew what I was in for when we moved. No job=no income. Lucky for me I have a generous savings account, received a nice final pay check and return deposit, and know how to be a penny pincher when needed. What I didn't know, was how long it would take me to find a job. I am on week SIX of unemployment. I haven't been unemployed for six weeks in YEARS. YEARS!!! I am not complaining because I know there are so many people that wish they could afford to stay home. I am so so SO grateful for Matthew's promotion that came with a very nice pay raise. I am so thankful for his willingness to pay the rent without my help. I am forever indebted to him. (Can you be indebted to your soon to be husband?!) I have gotten more rejection letters than I have interviews, and while it is discouraging, I just keep praying and telling myself that the right job is out there for me, I just have to find it.
**My first few weeks of unemployment were wonderful. I spent a lot of time unpacking and getting us settled into our new home. It's no easy task, that is for sure. But now that we are (for the most part) settled in the days are starting to get long. I have gotten a routine down so most of my daily "to do lists" are completed by noon...leaving me with the entire afternoon to figure out how to entertain myself. I have been enjoying sitting outside in the sun and reading books, but even that gets boring. Again, I am not complaining, but at the same time, I feel like a waste of society. I am perfectly capable of working and supporting myself, yet here I am. Unemployed for almost 7 weeks.
**I've started going on runs in the mornings. Not only am I completed disgusted with myself and hate myself for not fitting in summer clothes from last year, I miss exercising. I've been enjoying the runs and my time outside doing something besides reading a book. My mind usually races when I am on these runs, but by the time I get home I feel better. There has been more than one occasion when I had a breakdown when I returned home. A good cry never hurts. It's usually the same things that go through my head when I run. Things like: Why won't anyone hire me? Why does Matthew put up with me? How lucky am I to have Matthew? Why is my wedding not planned? What do I give up and get a shitty job just to have an income? Why do I have to suffer from anxiety? Does anybody know how I REALLY feel about this change? I wish people understood. I wish people would stop asking me if I have a job yet. and so on and so forth.
**The first few weeks we were in Sioux Falls my anxiety was almost non existent. Now, it's here ALL the time. I have beaten myself up so bad emotionally that I can't even think of one good thing to say about myself. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. I start thinking about everything under the sun and then next thing I know I'm either angry or in tears. It's hard to control your emotions when you have so much going on. When you spend a majority of your time alone. Being me has not been easy the past three weeks. Being me has been a nightmare.
