Lecture?

“A suffering person does not need a lecture- he needs a listener” –Billy Graham

I saw this quote on a Facebook post yesterday and I thought to myself “how perfect”. There are so many people in this world that pass judgment on others (I am guilty of this at times) without even knowing what that person is going through, or has  been through.  Even if you do know what a person is going through nine times out of ten a lecture is not the answer.

I don’t remember a time before now (the last year or two) when society was so judgmental. It seems like now it doesn’t make a difference what you say or do, how pretty or ugly, fat or skinny, rich or poor you are, everyone is judging you. I can tell you that this has really taken a toll on my own self confidence, particularly in the last 6 months or so. I look at myself in the mirror and think I am fat. I go shopping and see cute clothes and think I am fat. I do my hair and think that it’s ugly. I look at the possessions I have and the things I can’t afford to buy and think since everyone else I know has those things that I must be poor. I get up and go to my job everyday and see people that are lucky enough to be able to stay at home and either not work, or work from their home, and think I must be stupid. I mean, if I was smart I would be independently wealthy, right? Or, if I “knew what was good for me” I would do something for work that gave me all the freedom in the world.  But tell me; what is wrong with carrying a few extra pounds, having an 8-4 job, not having the most up to date technology or a brand new car? If I didn’t go through everyday knowing that everyone I see at work, at the store, at the gym, at the gas station, or wherever I am, was judging me, I most likely wouldn’t judge myself. If I didn’t see people bragging about their new “things”, their latest work out, their weekly weigh in, their raise, new job, fancy wedding, etc etc, all over social media, I wouldn’t compare myself to them.

What most people don’t know about me is I suffer, daily. I have a lot of anxiety in life and I also suffer from SAD.  I haven’t always been this way, but over the last 4 or 5 years I have been living with it. There are days I wake up so anxious about the day that I can barely get myself out the door in one piece. I do not take medications for this and that is my choice. I feel like I have learned some great coping skills over the course of this and 99% of the time I can get myself out of these situations on my own, or with help from a friend. Particularly Matthew, he’s really good with it and I am so thankful for that.

What I want to say to people is “SHUT UP!” I don’t want your newest “make money from home” fad, because quite frankly I need routine in my day, and that does not give me any sort of routine. I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on the newest P90X (or whatever the hot workout video is right now) and fail (like many other people I know, do)  I don’t want to completely quit eating foods I enjoy because they’re “bad” for me. I don’t want to buy a brand new car and be in debt for another 20 years. I don’t want to spend money I don’t have on the latest fashion or hair trends. You might think I don’t want anything to do with these things because I am afraid of change, but that is not the case. Sure I, like most, may be resistant to change at times, but if you have known me long enough you know that I have accepted and welcomed a lot of change in my life. What bothers me about all of this is that whoever is telling, or suggesting, that I do things this way or that, is JUDGING me and my life. WHY!? What is so wrong with being different? What is so wrong with enjoying my life without worrying about every little thing? Why can’t you look at me, and my life, (or anyone for that matter) and just be happy that THEY are happy. After all, it’s THEIR life, not YOURS.

After all, a suffering person does not need a lecture, rather a listener. I am going to challenge myself to be better at this as well.